The F-book factor

I've had my share or ah-ha moments on facebook, the "omg, I never thought I'd see you here" and the random wall posts exchanged with people that I haven't seen or heard from in over 5 or 10 or in some cases even 15 years.

This is different. I logged in and scrolled through the News Feed and saw something different. A friend of a friend (aren't they all) is attending an event for someone familiar. Someone I met in a past life, in a far away land, on a crazy night, through someone important to me. The memory literally caused my to heart drop, I think I actually heard it.

I wonder - how does he know him who is friends with the past - and think that maybe its a different person. I click on the event and thank god that most people don't understand or use the privacy settings allowing me to check if my feelings were warranted. Its exactly who I thought it would be.

How is it that one picture, one name, can distract me so much? It doesn't help that I'm doing laundry, packing and other things that allow the mind to wander. Unfinished relationships remain just that, unfinished. And although that is okay and not a place I want to go back to, it doesn't stop me from tonight, from reliving the unfinished memories.

Paralysis

I watched ALIVE DAY MEMORIES: HOME FROM IRAQ a film by James Gandolfini. This amazing documentary features interviews with ten "severely wounded" veterans of the Iraq war. Of the 10, 8 are younger than me, and one is my age. Their injuries range from amputations to blindness to severe brain damage. Its a non political account of their lifes, their hopes and dreams. I'm moved and speechless.

Please watch this film, you can watch it for free on the website.

Growing up I remember thinking back to the time of the Vietnam War, about young people during that time. I always thought that I would have been one of the protesters, trying to bring the troops back. But now the same thing is happening and I'm doing nothing. I can't believe it. I'm disappointed in myself and my peers. Embarrassed about the dinner I ate last night at Sushi Samba, about the fact that I know where I was on each of the "alive" days in the film, about everything. I feel paralysed because I don't know what to do.

The future of this country is going to be different, there are already close to 30,000 wounded vets and that number is growing everyweek. Will my children grow up watching Iraq war movies? Is the "inspiration" for the next Platoon being lived through right now?

Rohit was in town this weekend. I feel the need to blog something to mark his visit. I've spent much of this year reconnecting with those I had let go and this visit fit perfectly. Its feel good to see him so content. In the midst of the chaos of moving countries, he has enough constants in his life to still be grounded. I still need that.