Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Whats making me happy right now...

Jumping into a new role at work (30% of my time) and loving it. Friends who act like friends. Looking elegant in the office (a direct quote). Learning how use the amazing editing software that came with my computer and then getting compliments from the boss on the results. Feeling like a wisdom teeth superstar (minimal chipmunkness and only three vicodins total baby!). Eating solid food today and the return of chewing gum. Finally picking up my shisha from Gautam's house (thanks again Paul). My three new skirts. Discovering DSW. Calling home more often. Booking tickets to Vegas. Realizing that compiling this list wasn't as difficult as I anticipated. Gaining perspective.

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005

When the planets align

Sometimes things just come together. Not always good things but things nonetheless. This weekend a group of seemingly random occurences all forged together in a NYC apartment to bring me not so good tidings leading to disbelief and shock followed by insomnia. Its so unbelievable I find myself giggling in awe for lack of any other reaction.

Now I am left feeling betrayed, disillusioned and disappointed.

Friday, May 20, 2005

I miss hockey.

May is just not the same without the playoffs. Updates? Does anyone know what the deal is?

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Wishing I was home


We lost someone very close to us yesterday.

I really feel away from everything, from everyone. The phone is just not good enough today. I will feel it even more next week.

I don't really want to post much about it, rather I just wanted to capture today. So I remember this moment and the memories each time I go through my history.

Monday, May 16, 2005

And another one bites the dust....

Renu and Shum
Renu and Shamir, the newest additions to my growing clan of friends with rings.
Congrats on your engagement you crazy cats!

I'm already envisioning what the stag will look like, I promise to live up to my reputation...

(PS the proposal story made me a bit teary, great job Shum)

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Final Solution

Last night after work I attended a screening of the movie Final Solution. A documentary filmed in the aftermath of the the riots and carnage in Gujarat in following the massacre in Godhra in early 2002.
Excerpt from director:
"Final Solution is a study of the politics of hate. Set in Gujarat during the period Feb/March 2002 - July 2003, the film graphically documents the changing face of right-wing politics in India through a study of the 2002 genocide of Moslems in Gujarat. It specifically examines political tendencies reminiscient of the Nazi Germany of early/mid-1930s. Final Solution is anti-hate/ violence as “those who forget history are condemned to relive it”

This is a powerful film. The reaction of the crowd was worth noting. There was no appropriate reaction to the devastation in front of us. We're not equiped as human beings to deal with horrific acts and in some cases what we were seeing and hearing was so incredulous that as a audience we laughed, not because it was funny but because we didn't know what to say.

My own personal reaction was the most surprising. Of course I was outraged, its the reaction I've been conditioned to feel when such acts are presented in front of me. The movie was full of stories, made up of the accounts of many victims who's stories tugged at every single one of my heart strings, and then came the disbelief, at the sermons preaching hate coming from within the grounds of the temple, at the forced ineffectiveness of the police, at the . Most of all, I was embarrassed. Embarrassed as a Gujarati, embarrassed as an Indian and embarrassed as a Hindu.

People are products of their environments. We all develop our opinions based on the lessons and exposures we are subject to growing up and these are compounded or changed as we get access to different information every day. That being said I still think that people are inherently good, that we are not programmed to cause harm to others. That being said I can't condemn the people in Gujarat who are in involved in this for what they think, for many of them the only information they receive is this hate-filled propaganda, from newspapers, from religious leaders, from politicians. What else are they supposed to think; these mobs are people who don't have access to the internet, to any outside source of information. But what I can't excuse is their actions. Even with the hate their complete disregard for the welfare of others is inexcusable. Then there are their leaders, their munipulators. For them I feel nothing but disappointment, in their actions, in the values, in their lies and in their lives. The desire for power and privilege is something I understand but not at the expense of others.

After the screening there was a Q/A with the film’s director, Rakesh Sharma, which, after a handful of the usual questions, turned into an interested exchange fueled by a comment about the film’s under-representation of Hindu suffering from one of the spectators. Whoever he is I’m glad he attended and watched the movie because with his few comments he provided a window into the reality of the movie, it was no longer this farfetched opinion on a screen.

I’m left wanting to know more, to do more, to do something. Not necessarily about this but about something that gets me this fired up. I’m searching.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Preparing for Motherhood

The events of the past week have made me think about what it really means to be a mother in the world I live in, and made me realize that I am in no way ready to have children. I came to this realization on Sunday morning in a mandir in Mississauga while listening to a sermon about the value of a mother using an example from the Ramayan. I've always dreamed of having children, of little Ashas running around, of raising a brood of youngins who want to take on the world and then want to go and create little revolutionaries of there own. But all of a sudden the reality of it has me all shook up.

Mid post disclaimer: I'm not married and don't even have a boyfriend, most importantly I am not pregnant so please don't ask me about it. This is a completely hypothetical internal debate.

I'm not sure if I'm up to the challenge of being a working mother and wife. To make the choices I will need to make. I watch the women in my office with awe, amazement and admiration. Recent convo's with Amit have got me thinking about family life...the day to day, the parenting, the responsibilty. I admire
Bea for her tenacity. Poonam is my new idol, she's so calm and realistic about this whole thing (probably why she's the one having the baby and not me). Its tough for me to articulate this without going into a speal about equality and the role of women in a household, but since that's not the angle I want to take I'll refrain. Its amazing to me how much I hadn't realized what a big deal it is it to bring another life into this world was until one of my own is about to pop. Its a huge deal, massive, monsterous, gi-normus!!

It all feels real and within my reach right now. Am I wrong to be having fleeting thoughts of staying home? Of throwing one defined opportunity away in exchange for potential. Whatever happens I'll keep y'all posted on my progress.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Baby, birthday and mandir

It feels as though I went home for the weekend. When did the VD's turn into family? When didn't it feel like family?

the girls

asha_poonamIMG_0220

I feel a bit overwelmed by the few days that have just passed. Familarity. History. Comfort. Spending time with people that I want to surround myself with for the rest of my life. People that I want my kids to look up to. People who's kids will be friends with my kids.

However bittersweet, saying good bye is never difficult when you know your paths will continue to cross over and over.

Friday, May 06, 2005

My time vs their time...

I'm turning into someone I don't know. I've been really frustrated at the service industry lately. I got cross with the Indian guy named John Major who answered my cingular customer service call. The other call centre woman, an obviously fakely named Julie Taylor, who works for my bank never had a chance. The Kiehls store closes at 7, how am I supposed to get my errands done?

I've spent the past couple of weeks arranging my wisdom teeth extraction, my challenge - I'm getting quite doped up and need to bring along an escort. Today I found myself cursing my surgeon for not working longer hours and weekends. Why can't they work in the evenings and on weekends. Why do I need to change everything around just so that I can get relief from the pain in my month....WTF, Who am I to tell him when to work. He's got kids, a family. His free time is important too, so it that of his staff. I don't know what got into me. The Barnes and Noble I went to today is open until 11pm. That appeased me for today.

Monday, May 02, 2005

G-G-G-G.....G UNIT!!

Watching CTV News with Lloyd Robertson and seeing news from Vancouver. The bombings in Egypt getting more news time than the runaway bride. A Tim Horton' s at every exit. RBC banks at every corner. The french channel. CBC Newsworld. Shoppers Drug Mart. KMs. Global National with Kevin Newman. Politics that don't involve a war. Discussions about veterans affairs. I miss caring about the place I live. I wonder when I'll feel that way about this place.