2004: YiR

I don't usually don't do this at the end of a calendar year, I generally shy away from using a predetermined date to decide when things can start and stop in my life. For the past few years my new year's eve has been June 30th. Before that it was August 31st. But for the first time the calendar and my life are in line. The next year really does represent a new start for me, both professionally and personally.

2004 has been a roller coaster year for me. I started the year wanting to spend another year in Rotterdam, and am ending it as a US resident. I spent half the year in Europe and the other half in Vancouver - something I NEVER could have imagined doing last year.

I've felt in limbo for most of the year, at first not sure where I wanted to be and then not sure where (and when) I was going to end up. Its been interesting to be in one place but always feel like a visitor.

Its been a year of reconnecting, first with my family in the UK and then with everyone back home and then off and on with other friends in my limited travels. It was also a year of letting go, something I'm still working on in some cases.

I've met some really great people, some that will continue to play a role in the next few years and others that have already served their purpose in my life. I've surprised myself more than once by letting myself open up to people I would have once let pass me by.

Most recently I've started my career. I've posted alot about this lately so I don't need to to further elaborate on its significance.

For 2005 and beyond I'm looking forward to a bunch of things:
- Stability. Living in one place, having my own stuff and my own space.
- Travelling. Having the means and desire to explore and visit.
- Working. Spending my days on tasks that I enjoy and challenge me.

When I look at this past year and every year before it I'm shocked and surprised at the turns and twists that life has taken and I'm interested to see where I'll be and what I'll be doing on NYE 2005. To quote Miss Mazzy "Life is not meant to be predictable".

I can't turn off the TV, I'm engrossed in the Tsunami coverage, I don't mind if I end up watching the same thing over and over, I just keep watching. Its surreal. I'm not the only one - Paul, Suzanne, Ana Elisa, Bea, Jennifer, and many others have echoed my paralysed, helpless feelings of being able to do little more than watch the devastation from the comfort of our homes.

Dody (and some others) have been doing a great job of emassing different snapshots of information on the nomadlife.org homepage, including Saki's personal account of her experience.

Spent too much today

Today is boxing day. Boxing day is the biggest shopping day of the year in Canada, there are deals to be had which means that today I shopped. I bought a TV, a home theatre, a digi cam, a portion of a computer, some shoes, four pairs of pants, a whole bunch of tops, some furniture...you get the picture. I still have more stuff on my list, I need a couple more household appliances, a dress for New Years and other things like that.

I did all of this and then got home and watched the news. What a different day it was for many people in the world. It makes me feel silly for complaining about being tired. It makes me think that maybe I don't need all this stuff, maybe I could return one or two sweaters and help families get clean water to drink, maybe I could feed someone my age for a month instead of wearing those jeans. Do I really need a new dress for the party or can I just make do and give a family in SEA shelter instead.

I'm never sure what to do...of course I can and will spare some money to aid in this crisis, I am lucky to be able to live safely and can do without some luxuries in order to help those affected by the wrath of mother nature.

I don't have a charity or cause that I faithfully support, I'm always torn when it comes to giving, especially when I look at my consumption patterns, do I really need to buy $32 lipstick? Can't I do without a pair of black pumps? When I do my budgets I always forget to add a line item for giving, either to the temple or to a cause. And then when it comes to giving I feel overwhelmed by the choices, St Pauls, Canadian Diabetes, the Red Cross, the Cancer Society, UNICEF, WorldVision, HIV/AIDS, AIESEC, SFU, local, national, global, disaster support or longstanding issues? Is it better to only commit to one or to stretch my dollar and get them all? What is it that I believe in? Is it my place to make a decision about what deserves support? Just more questions that don't have concrete answers. I know this is something that I have to figure out for myself - I have some ideas of how to approach it and entrench giving into my life but its going to take some disipline and work not to be swayed by the calls of the many needy causes.

Gosh, I hope I don't sound too much like a snooty privileged westerner.

Sleighbells ring!

I travel around christmas alot. Every year I get myself on a plane or in a car to go somewhere over the holidays. Sometimes its coming home, other times to the houses of friends and for a few years it was to AIESEC conferences.

As someone who sends alot of time on "the road", there is something special about travelling over Christmas, people are happy, there are lots of kids around, there is just this buzz that you don't get with standard business travellers, Yesterday didn't feel like that, I travelled from Newark to Denver and then through to Vancouver. It didn't feel like Christmas, it wasn't busy, it wasn't exciting, with the exception of a banjo playing santa in front of the Newark BK, it was just like any other day. As I sat in the Denver lounge watching the Viking/Packers game with a bunch of beer drinking Americans, I began to get a bit sad about the lack of christmas feeling, not even my first class upgrade could cheer me up.

And then as we took off from Denver the pilot made a poignant announcement. He said that we should keep a look out for Santa in the north (the right side of our plane), and that he'd be visible only by the flashing red light of Rudolph's nose. Upon hearing that announcement all of the kids on the plane spent the entire flight on Santa lookout and even found him a couple of times, not realizing that all planes in the sky have flashing red lights on their wings. It finally felt like christmas. After my very long day of airport hopping it was exactly what I was waiting for.

This and that...

For the next few years I'm going to have to travel everywhere with a stack of papers. Exhibits 1 through 4 will ensure my smooth entry into the United States of America. I spent this morning copying paperwork. Form 3299, my entire passport (they even need to see the blank pages as proof that they are blank), my lease, my offer letter, my TN papers, its a huge stack that doesn't fit in my purse. I need to get a bigger purse.

The photocopiers, printers and paper at the office are all top quality, what if I just want a regular printout on regular paper? I feel guilty everytime I print but there is no alternative. So today I ordered my own printer so that I can get standard black and white pages on crappy paper. I feel better for doing that.

The office is cold because all the walls are windows and after seeing me shiver, I was offered a space heater today. I said no and that I would just bundle up a bit when I'm at my desk. Do you have any idea now much electricity those things waste? Plus it just gives me another excuse to buy a great warm office sweater.

I feel like an airport groupie. My life seems to be made up of time spent at airports/on planes and the time in between.

I'm off for the day, see you in Vancouver tomorrow!

What's making me happy right now...

Thoughts of having very own my own space (no roommates, no anything) for the first time in my life. Finding an apartment in Hoboken at less than I expected to pay. Going home for christmas. Imagining the look on Amar's face when he opens his Christmas present. Meeting new friends and having them reach out to me first. Making my first entry in a new paper journal. O-Sydney updates. Studying for my NJ drivers test. My weak, but well intentioned, attempts at being financial responsible.

(Based on my recent posts, a few of you have expressed concern about my well being, so I figured that I would post one of these to quash your concern )

Broken record

Just when I think I am okay I get another email reminder. Grr. Is this a sign? Or is it just some sort of test that I'm failing miserably?

It would all be so much easier if he wasn't getting married.

The turning of wheels

I'm feeling a bit blah. Don't worry, this has nothing to do with the move. I'm just a bit blah. I'm finding it impossible to just be in the moment. On the way to work this morning I played out an imaginary conversation in my head (while keeping both eyes on the road, of course) and realized (more like confirmed) that my life is good. The puzzle pieces are all starting to look like a picture. But there is still all this wishful thinking, the what-ifs and the what will be.

What shade of white should I paint my living room? Should I confront him when its REALLY not my place to say anything? Land line or cell phone? Should I bother pursuing it even though it can't go anywhere? Sofa-bed or couch? Why doesn't Blogger have spell check? 27 or 32 inches? Red, Beige or Black? Will I ever let myself feel settled anywhere? Am I really my own worst enemy? Should I return the coat? What is it that I actually want? Is this enough for me, or is it only enough for now?

Sunday shopping in New York

A little hungover. Brunch with a friend (including a bloody mary or two). Wandering through the village looking for the perfect gift for his special someone. We step into a shop to look for a scarf, and as we leave he holds the door open for me and I realize for the first time:

"I live in the same city as him"

This isn't a visit with an expiration. There is no plane for me to catch. No long distance charges. Of course I had thought about it before I moved here, but it didn't really hit me until yesterday. I never thought things would ever be like this, that we would just live in the same place by chance. I never thought I would be able to spend an entire day with him and not think about it. I wonder if this astonishment will ever wear off.

Yesterday was a good day...

I had forgotten how short weekends are. Boo.

The first week synopsis

I can't believe I'm just about to finish my first week of work with Cadbury Adams. It went by so quick. Work is going great, the people I'm working with are really good people and I've been attending loads of meetings and things to get up to speed. This is exactly the kind of work I want to do. I didn't think it existed. I can't wait to get my own stuff to do, so far I've been filling in gaps here and there or presentations and stuff, nothing to substantial yet.

On the personal side, although I'm not being ultra social, I'm having a great time. Getting used to being on my own again. I went into the city on Tuesday to visit Hetal, and on Wednesday I went to my Dad's college buddy's house for dinner (Natu Uncle). Yesterday I was so exhausted and sick I went home and watched the Apprentice wrapped up in a blanket in my pyjamas while eating pasta. I'm generally just taking things easy, I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow and to finally having the time to eat my mini wheats.

Tonight, I've decided not to go out...I just want to sit and relax (after my crazy shopping spree, of course). Plus this way I can manage an O-Sydney update, its been far too long since the last one. Call me lady in some hours if you read this, if not send me an sms with when you'll be home to chat and we'll synchonize.

I got paid today. After not seeing a paycheque for 5 months I am in a state of shock. I keep surfing back to the RBC website to check my bank balance to verify that the money is still there.

I'm going shopping tonight...this could be dangerous.

How cold is 22 degrees?

I think my ignorance towards learning farenheit is a positive thing. I have no idea how cold it is and therefore have no idea what to expect. This morning 22 didn't sound too bad, I looked outside, it was sunny, put on a warm jacket and my cute pink scarf and gloves and went for it. 22 doesn't feel like its below zero even though it is, thats the only thing I know about farenheit for sure.

Besides the temperature question here are a few more of my NJ ponderings:

Whats a gallon? How much is too much to pay for gas?
Whats the deal with all these right hand side U-Turns...I want to turn left, dammit!
Route 10, Route 202, I80, I287, 46, 580, 1, 2, 3, 4....just give them names already!
Even though its really cold overnight, no one has frost on their windows...magic? I think not.
Everything is full serve, sometimes a girl wants to pump her own gas :)
Why don't I pass anyone on the highway when I am going 80miles/hr (approx 125-130km)?
Why can't I find the pool in my building? I know its here somewhere, I have a keycard.
Where is the company store, they showed it to me on the tour but I can't find it again...I want gum!!
Ahh!! They are speaking gujarati at the grocery store, can't they tell I can understand...I'll just pretend I can't hear them dissing their boss.
Ahh!! They are speaking gujarati at the bank, can't they tell I can understand...I'll just pretend I can't hear them say the husband endorsed the cheque for the wife.
Ahh!! They are speaking gujarati at the airport, can't they tell I can understand...I'll just pretend I can't hear them (they weren't saying anything bad).
I don't think people here think I look Indian.

I know, I know...Asha you are too random.

See you later?

I just got home. All the clocks in my house are reading 1:00am exactly. I never realized that they are all synchonized. I don't like it....where's the mystery?

Goodbyes are strange when you are leaving "forever" but coming back soon. In six hours I will be sitting on a plane, in two weeks I will be sitting back here in front of the computer at my parents' house. I will miss hanging out with everyone (you know who you are), because when I get back it will be all about me leaving "forever" for real.

Thank you :)

Awhile ago I added some script in my code (thanks to statcounter.com) that allows me to track the number of hits I get, the number of unique visitors I have, now long people are staying around reading the blog, what country and city people are reading from and most interestingly how they are getting to the site (ie are they entering asha.nomadlife.org on their browsers, clicking from nomadlife, linking from other sites, or coming across the site by accident)

I check these stats relatively often, sometimes its interesting to see where my readers are from and how they find me. Most of you come directly to my site, because you have it bookmarked of course ;) (about 40%) and a good number are clicking through nomadlife.

Today After reading Devrim's post, I starting thinking about some of these random visitors, so I checked my stats and found some strange and a little scary things.

I have a unique name, so if you google my full name I am the first 3 entries you get, no surprises there (and for 20 entries after you get random things I've done over the past few years) and depending on how frequently I update the site I am sometimes in the top ten for googling Asha. About 3 or 4 people a day come to my site this way.

Other things people have googled and ended up at my site "Rani and Preity", "Wu Tang" and "Santa Claus". Nothing too weird, I've written about all those things in the past.

Today however two people ended up on my site with strange queries.
1. i'll like to have a relationship with a girl a who is 13 years in Canada (I was the first entry)
2. should i let my kids around my childmolesting dad (I was number two)

I don't like that. Especially number one.

A little overhelmed

I have 2 relocation consultants, 1 corporate housing representative, 1 relocation specialist, 1 house hunter, 1 HR partner, 1 HR assistant, 1 hand holder (I'm serious), 1 cross border moving consultant, 1 shipping company, 1 packing company, 1 lawyer, 1 travel consultant, 1 boss and 1 assistant.

Its all a bit too much.

Hit by a truck

Hidden in a well intended email was a message that I have been dreading hearing. I don't even know if its true. I'm in a daze. I feel sick. I can't concentrate on packing, on anything but this. I have to find out.

The drama queen inside me is going full blast.

Becoming a Jersey Girl - Part 2

Here's my plan. I'm leaving in 5 days. Coming back in 12. Staying for Christmas and New Years and then going back 9 days later.

I'm getting lots of nice emails and calls worrying about me, so here are the answers to the most common questions:

Where are you going to live?
Until mid/end January I have a corporate apartment set up for me relatively close to the office (in Jersey terms).

How are you going to get around?
They are providing me with a car until I can get my sh*t together and get one of my own.

How can we reach you?
Email will still be the best way. I will have a phone in my apartment and will email it out to my frequent callers. If you want to call me drop me a email and I'll get you my number. I'm going to try and get a mobile sorted soon. If you really feel the desire to sms me right away, my UK number still accepts incoming SMSes. I'm assuming those of who might want to msg me already have that number.

What are you going to do for fun? (This seems to be the most common question. Its kinda sweet that people are worried about me having enough to do in my free time)
I'm not really worried about this. I'll figure something out.

Whats your job again?
My official title is Operations Development Manager, I have a brilliantly written visa letter which describes what that means. See Part 1.

Thats it. Back to packing.

Keep on picking, keep on picking...

We had plans for the evening, dinner and a movie...sounds simple enough, straightforward and nice. Then after decorating the christmas tree we sat down for an innocent game of UNO.

Innocent my ass.

We started playing at 7:00. It was all going well. Red, Red, reverse, Yellow, +2 (dammit), Green, etc. We thought it was a bit strange that after 45 minutes we hadn't yet heard any utterances of the word "Uno!" but decided to put the cards down to eat. Thinking that it was just a matter of minutes before the game would end (and armed with memories of UNO wins from our childhoods), after dinner we picked up where we left off.

Thats when it started to happen, +2, +2, +4, +4, no green, no blue, keep on picking, keep on picking. We would go from having 3 cards in our hands to having 30, we couldn't even tell which one was the pick up pile. It was torture, an hour later we starting acting a little strange...shaking a little, singing strange songs, giggling so hard our sides hurt. Two hours in, we all started acting crazy, putting our heads down on the table, laughing, swearing.

Sometime later we all put are cards down and gave up and went home. UNO you got us this time. Never again, never again...

A little something off at the Beat

As the old school lunch was ending the announcer says "and now we'll bring you back to 2004" and then they played a song from 2001.

Ad: Woman talking "Are you looking to go to a club where the atmosphere is mature? blah, blah", while she's speaking the song playing in the background is by Jojo (who is 13 years old).

Details, details, why don't people pay attention?

What's for dinner?

Golf is out, work is in for Bush visit, Cold Canadian shoulder expected for Bush, US sees Bush visit as symbolic goodwill tour, Bush begins effort to mend fences, Don't be too chummy with US, Manley tells PM, In Canada visit, Bush hopes to thaw relations, Canada, US to work together on common goals, Bush Defends Iraq Decisions in Canada, US and Canada: Ripe for a thaw?

I just finished watching the press conference between PM Paul Martin and P George W Bush. Its been awhile since we've seen one of those (ten years actually) - the two country leaders usually have a good relationship which is generally made blatently obvious by their chosen public shots. In 85 Reagan and Mulroney sang a duet of When Irish Eyes are Smiling, the first Bush and Mulroney threw a pitch and a Jays game, Jackie O planted a tree, Clinton and Jean were buddies, I only remember learning of one negative visit when Johnson yelled at LBP for denouncing the Vietnam War..but that was to be expected at that time.

And surprisingly this one was no different. The press conference almost seemed enjoyable, the five finger comment by Bush was well placed and actually funny, the "fake" french translation saying that Canada has a great government, it was strange seeing these guys joking around, even if it was all a show. Its good to think that things will get moving now, this show of goodwill will have to turn into action or the backlash may lead to the fall of this government, which is something I'm sure they don't want.

Why is this important? Its not simply because the US is Canada's big neighbour. Canada and the US have the largest trading relationship in the world (averaging over 1 billion dollars per day). Canada sends 85% of its exports to the US and counts for 25% of all US imports. We need eachother. This dwarfs any other economic relationship in the world. We also have the largest demilitarised border in the world, there are places in the middle where the borders have no gates and keeping hours like a store. Its strange even for me. We have lots of problems; softwood lumber, beef, fish, Iraq, drugs, NORAD, natural gas pipelines, etc, etc. and disagree on many things, but it is in the best interests of both of our countries for our goverments to be able to talk to eachother and work together or else we're both stuck.

And finally, when I heard this I laughed and thought "what a Canadian way to make a statement". Guess what's on the menu for the president's official dinner? Alberta Beef ;)