What is it that associates a person with a certain culture? Is it their passport? Their parents? grandparents? Their religion? Language? What about me? Am I Indian? or Canadian? Indo-Canadian? How about African? If you asked someone from Canada they would probably say I was East-Indian, to someone from the UK I'm Asian, to most Indians, I'm Canadian. I guess the important question is, if you ask me, what would I respond? Up until recently I thought I wasn't sure.
Its almost impossible to explain how it feels to feel most comfortable surrounded by familiar sounds you don't understand and smells you don't know how to recreate. I got an email from Adrian describing some of his time in the Philipines that said "It's feeling a part of two different worlds, but not really a part of either." I feel the same way...I know I'll never be quite Indian enough, but in some ways I'll never be Canadian enough either (whatever that means). I'm just as comfortable in a sari as I am in jeans, I see gulab jambu and dairy queen ice cream cakes as substitutable deserts, I've sat up in a cafe chatting until 4am after doing raas/garba until my feet felt like giving out, I've been part of at least 3 indian student organizations, been to countless dinner/dances at Fraserview and Southhall, I've spent every other friday for 2 years learning prayers and their associated meanings and when I'm sick, I'd much rather fall asleep to the sound of my mom singing a bhajan than hear anyother lullaby. The oddest thing is that I don't really associate any of these things with India as a nation, but instead as part of the culture of an Indian. Actually, before AIESEC I don't think I had ever even met a real Indian young person, sure I had talked to some random immigrants at home every now and then at some social function, but never properly, as a friend. All my exposure to all things Indian came from my parents, their friends, my friends, their parents and my other family in the UK...plus I guess you can never forget the all important 'community', those 1000 or so people who will all receive invitations to my wedding as an indication of the role they played in my development.
Looking back I was very comfortable before moving here...living in a world of mixed cultures, where everyone is from somewhere different (or at least their parents are) and parents and grandparents rarely speak English inside the house. I'm used to going to a friend's house and not knowing what they are talking about around the kitchen table, used to different smells and foods, used to celebrating New Years 4 or 5 times a year based on which calendar you look at, used to spending christmas eating a combination of Turkey, dosas and sushi. Now I'm in a place full of the people who come from where these customs originated, where you eat only one of Turkey OR Dosa OR Sushi at a time, if at all. I never realized how abnormal multiculturalism really is, or how impacted I have been by my incomplete exposure to any one unique culture, but that everything I've learned or done has always incorporated the mesh of the world around me. Looking back I would say I've been very lucky.
Second generation Indians like me are often called 'confused', there are numerous movies and books about the challenges and struggle to fit in and find yourself, usually refering to the calling to Indianness most of us go through around my age after spending some time rejecting 'traditional' cultural norms. This search for identity is probably the most normal and communal thing among children of immigrants. As a seconder I've experienced racism and discrimination, both inside and outside the Indian community, I've gone through Indian and 'Canadian' friend phases, I've been called both a paki and 'white washed'. I sometimes use a Gujarati word if I an English one doesn't fit. I've had to answer questions about the dot on women's foreheads, and have explained the evolution of arranged marriages and the caste system to class upon class throughout secondary school as have many others like me. Believe it or not, we indian/non indian beings are often the ambassadors of Indian culture to the majority of people in Canada, the US, the UK, Australia and other hubs of displaced Indians such as East and South Africa.
Up until last week I thought I was confused/lost/worried,/all of the above, it seemed that every other day my very existence was being questioned, by someone else or by myself. I sat here brewing my thoughts, reading books about the immigrant experience, talking to people about identity and what it means. Until I was visited by a another group of seconders just like me who got stuck searching for the English word for Falafel so used a Gujarati word instead....thats when I realized how very normal I am...I'm not confused at all. I don't know what I was ever worried about.
